Merrick Garland, is taking the fun out of framing someone

I got into the law enforcement business to put the bad guys in prison.. Now do you know what I have to do to get some evidence in the hands of some drug dealer? I have to go to a freakin’ golf course in Texas and find a freakin’ judge.

A cop’s view of Merrick Garland’s Mar-a-Lago search affidavit…

Merrick Garland's Mar-a-Lago search affidavit...
San Felipe Springs Golf Course | Del Rio TX

The following note was emailed to me Friday by one of my many sources in Texas police force community. I share it in the interest of national sanity:

Hello, American political readers, my name is [REDACTED] and I’m a veteran police officer primarily responsible for drug enforcement in the Del Rio (Texas) area.

Now that a judge has released the redacted affidavit used by the FBI to obtain a warrant to search former President Donald Trump’s home at the Mar-a-Lago country club in Florida, there’s something I need to get off my chest…

Merrick Garland is a son-of-a-bitch and he’s totally taken the fun out of making up shit.

I got into the law enforcement business to put the bad guys, thugs and people that I just don’t like in prison.. I guess I should have always been sneaking around, installing hidden video and recording devices, hacking computers, placing tracking devices on their cars; you know taking care of government business so I can arrest them for drug crimes. But you know what you learn in cop school that’s a hell of a lot of work and I always wanted to be a Hollywood screenwriter; I don’t sneak around anymore. Now do you know all I have to do to get some evidence in the hands of some drug dealer? In Texas, all I have do it to go to a golf course and find a freakin’ judge. Lockin’ up a drug importer. it’s like taking candy from a sick baby.

Merrick Garland's Mar-a-Lago search affidavit...
International Bridge

Seriously, America? I trained for years to frame up some very smart drug dealers. I don’t need to infiltrate any dangerous organizations. All I needed to get the job done is win the trust of some unsuspecting judges and then doing my job is just a matter of finding them on the course, throwing out some allegations and it is done. But you know it is as easy cause they say, you say “[REDACTED] Agency” and the judges of course they don’t want framed up either, so they will pretty much sign whatever you put in front of them, and heck even the most well-protected “self-professed” libertarian judges will sign. Heck, I’ve forgotten how to sneak around in Mexico and Del Rio, kind of like that DC FBI agents so active in Florida. It’s more about the magistrate you find than anything. Virtually no real cop sneaks around anymore.

I’ve been really good at my job!  I shoot under 90 (always) and every damn judge in this jurisdiction knows it. I’ve made sure of that. And knowing their kid’s names helps; it’s just some of the things you pickup over time when you’re a real cop.

Thanks to Merrick Garland and his minions

Merrick Garland's Mar-a-Lago search affidavit..
Del Rio, Texas Port Of Entry

But thanks to Merrick Garland and his minions in the media blasting the entire story on MSLSD, my day’s work now involves eating a soggy waffle from the Skillet’s breakfast buffet (seriously, how do you screw up waffles; now THAT is a crime!!!) then sneaking past Pablo Escabar’s illegitimate grandsons, who are usually playing video games on their phones, and then trotting down to the “airport,” picking a high-school-locker lock and placing a Bouncie on some Bonanza they are expected to rent. This entire Mar-a-Lago thing just sucks.

And do you know what what box is labeled “TOP SEECRET NUCELAR TECHNOLOGY”???  Geez. Really? That sort of allegation will get you some attention. Hell, you don’t have to include it in the affidavit, just make sure its in the newspaper. Enough on that.

Nuclear? Geez, it’s like shooting fish in a barrel. But after it’s all in the press and nothing ever comes from the N word (no nuclear documents), I have to ask how long will this scrutiny on us liberty-loving cops last? I’m already back to doing real police work. Someone higher up has to be wise to it all, maybe a majority of the people? And that’s just a bitch, who requires actually evidence anymore?

And it’s all thanks to the same people who wouldn’t stand up to that email lady who ran for president. If they’d SWATed her for mishandling classified information, this Trump thing wouldn’t be such a shock to the nation. You wanna know what I, a highly qualified drug enforcement type, got out of Hillary Clinton’s email debacle? As you civilians say…

It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.

Democratic activist Thomas Kennedy told reporters that he and a group of left-leaning friends paid $1,800 for a plane to fly a banner plane with the message “ha ha ha ha ha” over Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate. The act came while supporters of the former president rallied outside in protest of this week’s FBI search of the home.

Merrick Garland's Mar-a-Lago search affidavit..
Merrick Garland’s Mar-a-Lago search affidavit..

Look, I know I should be overjoyed. I mean we cops stick together.. I should be happy that some of America’s most precious intelligence information has been wrestled from the basement of this ridiculously expensive country club. Frankly, the 200,000 entry fee makes the place the 8th most secure buildings in the country, but to tell the truth, I see the papers as belonging to President Trump. One of the greatest books I read was President Grants auto-biography. auto-biographies by former President’s are illegal now? You have no idea how hard that makes my job now.

I’m looking for things to return to normal at my little “International Bridge,” I’d rather be at San Felipe Springs. But I need to know who will win the White House in 2024 and will this Mar-a-lago ? It’s clear Americans don’t want Biden. So, what in the hell was Merrick Garland thinking?

Everyone needs a challenging work environment but electronic surveillance, GPS tracking devices, and secret compartments welded under Silverado pickups just is pushing it too far. I didn’t sign up for all this, bus suddenly the judges down here are suddenly sensitive and you might say emboldened.

Really is the bogus reasoning for the affidavit just THAT obvious?

I need to return to my old job, something similar to being a cashier watching the automated checkout lines at the grocery store.

I’m really not that nostalgic and I can’t remember when I actually had or needed corroborating statements. I actually interviewed a paid informant, three years ago. I’ll probably need to get around to that again, now that Garland has let the cat out of the bag. Facial recognition software. Hiring confidential informants. That’s the kind of policing I’m really not accustomed to.

Now? It’s about as exciting as going to Sam’s Club to buy trail mix in bulk.

I’m going to get a stupid blue hat with “Make Police Work Great Again” written on it. I’ll probably get elected president.

Will anyone see the irony next time I wear it to the play golf?

Probably not.

[REDACTED] but not dead in Del Rio, Texas


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Merrick Garland’s Mar-a-Lago search affidavit..

Merrick Garland’s Mar-a-Lago search affidavit..

Merrick Garland’s Mar-a-Lago search affidavit..-